I was there for myself, no lofty ambition like a career or anything. I was young, 19 at the time, and I had more cash than I knew what to do with. Cash has never been a problem for me, you see, I have this ability to simply "create" things. I don't know where they come from, I just think about what I want, and *poof* it appears. Oh, I can't do Volkswagens and the like...not yet anyway. But small things are no problem, like hundreds and fifties - or that roll of quarters that comes in real handy in a barfight. Anything small really, not just cash, but the cash is handy, really handy. I guess technically its forgery, but I could look the other way back then. The IRS doesn't tend to audit young kids, so I wasn't too worried they'd wonder how I supported my spending habbits.
I was never a typical kid, I had studied Kung Fu since before I can remember. My old man's idea really, but I was a natural. It came easily to me. I always thought it was just because I was studying with other Americans. So when I turned 19, I skipped out of the house, bought myself a ticket to China and decided to seek out the best I could find to test myself. I was up in the mountains, looking for an old monastery I had heard about from a local. Supposedly they had a monk there who was really into that metaphysical crap, you know, tying your legs into pretzels in an effort to better understand your inner being, or some likely garbage. It never sat well with me, but this guy was supposedly able to take hits from metal poles and have them bend around him without taking so much as a bruise. I figured the guy was some bullshit con-artist, so I thought who better to prove him a fake than little old round-eyed me?
I showed up at the monastery and the place was a frigging ghost town. Not a single little bald guy in robes to be found. It was a neat place though, so I decided to take a look around. They had all kinds of fantastic artwork, stone sculptures the size of a small house, more Buddhas than you could shake a stick at. I'm sure it would have been really awe inspiring, If I gave a shit about art or spirituality. I'm a little more spiritual now, but we'll get into that when the time comes.
While poking around, I began to notice a low sound, kind of rhythmic, so I began to follow it to its source. Just to be safe, I made a staff appear in my hands just in case I needed to kick a little ass. As I drew nearer, the hairs on the back of my neck began to stand on end. Something was definitely weird here. Up ahead I saw a massive stone door, I approached it and it opened easily at my touch. Inside were about 30 monks. They were all seated pretzel style and were chanting - the source of the low noise I had heard. In the center of the room was the man I'd been told of. There was no mistaking this guy, he was impressive in a wiry sort of way. He was big, but nowhere as big as I was. There was a strange light around him and as the monks chanted, the light grew ever brighter.
I stood there watching the human lightbulb for a few moments but I quickly grew bored and really wanted to test my skills out. So I very boldly let out an "A-hem" expecting the guy to open his eyes and be more than just a little bit pissed at my interruption and happy to receive my challenge. To my surprise, I was simply ignored.
Now, I'm not one to be ignored, especially by a bald cult freakshow. I was just about to make my opinion known when movement caught my eye from near the ceiling of the temple. Before I knew what was happening, there were a bunch of guys flying in and out on wires and doing all sorts of crazy martial arts moves that I used to think were completely impossible. I mean I'm talking about the stuff you used to see on the Sunday morning Kung-Fu flicks on PBS. The monks rose from they're pretzel-like positions and began defending themselves while captain lightbulb began unleashing bolts of energy at the intruders. But they just kept coming and coming. Not one to miss out on a good fight, and always a big fan of the underdog, I quickly decided that the monks were gonna have a tough fight ahead of them and I willed my staff to tip itself in steel caps. I jumped into the fray and really got a good test of my skills. I wasn't nearly as good as I thought I was, but I was certainly able to hold my own and managed to incapacitate several of the oncoming attackers. Then, IT happened.
What's IT you're probably wondering? Well, I'm not entirely sure, But I had just dispatched one of my attackers and was looking for the next guy who wanted a bloody lip when I noticed The dayglow monk take a serious shot to the head by the 6 or so guys who were attacking him. He went down to one knee and it was all over as they very quickly assailed him with everything they had, hitting him repeatedly. I ran to where he fell, fighting off a few of the others even as they continued pounding him in the head.
Then something very odd happened, I felt like I was hit by a Mac truck and then I saw myself running towards me. I think I was seeing myself through the fallen mans eyes. A second later, I was back in my body again, but I felt different. I suddenly knew things I hadn't known before. My body was lashing out in a way I didn't know I could move, almost not even in my control. My brain was flooded with knowledge and it felt great! Suddenly the flying in and out on wires things didn't seem so far fetched to me. I opened my palm into the chest of an oncoming attacker and unleashed an energy blast that knocked him off of his feet and sent him flying across the room. I still don't know how I did that one, but the effect nonetheless was the same: I was the new target of the aggressors.
"Great" I thought "Bring it on!"
I felt an energy rise through my feet and suddenly I was bigger than before, much stronger. An assailant struck me, and I barely felt it, I unleashed a kick into his midsection and I heard a crack as he crumpled to the floor. Another came at me and I spun into him with a series of strikes that tore the flesh from him and left him unconscious on the floor. I was mortified with my new abilities, but at the same time, I reveled in them. Who better to receive such power than me after all?
A new wave of attackers entered the room, and I felt like I could take on the world, but a new voice in my mind spoke otherwise - calmly. It told me "It is better to live to fight another day" another mystery opened up to my mind and it suddenly seemed so simple to just step through the space in front of me and find myself elsewhere. I decided to try it, I was a little disoriented for a moment, but one second, I was standing there, with 15 guys rushing towards me, and the next, I was in the doorway to the temple looking at their backs. A laugh escaped my lips. This was too good to be true! I decided to try it again, and suddenly, I found myself standing in the forest outside of the temple. The monks and their attackers nowhere in sight.
"Screw them" I thought to myself, and a voice answered me in my mind saying
"You are wrong to want that from them"
"What the hell?!" I wondered aloud. "Who's there?" I asked, my eyes darting through the trees and my hands instinctively gripping the sword that had appeared in my palms. Nothing. I simply heard laughter in my mind, but this time, there were many voices. I'm not sure how many. Since then, I've been able to count at least 8 different voices, but they assure me that there are many more.
Apparently I am the humble home to a group of spirits of long dead marital artists. These guys studied all their lives to be the absolute best, as a lot of monks did in the past. Their highest goal was to attain immortality, and apparently, these spirits did just that. When their souls departed their flesh, they were bound to the earth and able to co-inhabit the body of anyone they desired. The chanting I walked in on with Mister Neon and his cult of hairless monks was apparently the ritual of passage that was needed for the spirits to inhabit his body. When he was slain, the spirits needed somewhere else to go. I was chosen because I interested them, and I was a pretty good shitkicker. Their purpose now (or so they claim) is to live out their immortality experiencing new things through their hosts. Up until now, they had never left China.
Every now and then I feel bad about leaving those monks to be slaughtered, but I realize that in all likelihood, when I left and the attackers realized their target was gone, they probably just got out of dodge. I'm not sure who they were, or why they were trying to kill Captain Lightbulb. The spirits in me know, but they refuse to tell me, which - quite frankly - pisses me off.
That was all 6 years ago, I'm 25 now and I live in San Francisco. I'd like to say I continue to simply conjure cash when I need it, but I don't - always. I have a mundane job as a Web designer for a company called InVision. My boss is a dick, but I find it best to keep a low profile, so I put up with him, and the average (for the area) salary I make. I live in an apartment overlooking the bay, at least I have that going for me in my mundane world. But I do still stretch my shitkicking powers whenever the chance arises.
I like to play the "Robin Hood game" as I like to call it. You know, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor, only I don't steal from the rich, I steal from anyone stupid enough to piss me off. I live by the motto that "If it reaches my ears, or touches my eyes, it is my business" if you don't like it, go to hell, I didn't ask you to like it. But there's a new kid in town, he's a badass, and he hears voices.
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